When you feel anger that persists over time, it hurts you more than it hurts anyone else. Forgiveness cuts the cord.

But forgiveness doesn’t always come easy. How are you supposed to forgive when you just don’t feel it? 

The truth is, recovering from betrayal is a process and forgiveness is the end result, not the beginning. It all starts with your feelings.

Too often we try to ignore our feelings for the sake of forgiveness, but I’m here to tell you that never works.

The feelings we stuff down don’t go away, they just get squeezed into a smaller and smaller space inside us, as we try to pretend they don’t matter and hope they’ll disappear on their own.

They don’t.

In fact the smaller the space they get squeezed into, the more they try to get out.

Do you ever get inexplicably angry over something small, and you’re so angry you’d think it was a major event?

Have you seem someone fly into a full blown rage over a simple misunderstanding, or because something rubs them the wrong way?

That’s stuffed anger coming out, and it’s getting misdirected. 

3 steps to express anger in a healthy way

One

Tell your story to an understanding friend. Let your feelings come up as you tell it. All your feelings are normal and healthy. Accept them. If you have no one to listen to your story, then write it down. Start a journal where you can write about it anytime you want.

Two

After telling your story, write a letter to the person you’re angry with. Tell them exactly how you feel about what they did and hold nothing back. This is not a time to think about being your best self. Be real and raw. The letter is for your eyes only. Keep it or burn it, just don’t share it with them. Ever.

Three

Now go for a walk or a run and let your feelings move through you and release into the road. Notice the thoughts that drift through your mind. Notice how you feel now, after telling the truth so freely. Write about it when you get home.

Recovering from betrayal is a process. It doesn’t happen all at once. You can practice this exercise on the same issue as often as you want. When it’s a major betrayal, try practicing on one small aspect at a time.

Notice how the practice changes you over time.

You are part of Divine Energy every minute of every day whether you know it or not. When you’re still and quiet and open, you can feel it.

Sit or lie comfortably for this meditation, in a place where you won’t be interrupted. Rest in each step until you’re ready to move on. 

  Picture a flame in your heart.

  Feel the flame filling your heart with the glow of light, of love, of compassion. Your heart feels full and expansive. Rest in the glow until you’re ready to move on.

  Now feel the glow spreading outward from your heart, gradually filling your body, until your whole body is full and glowing. When you’re ready…

  Feel the glow spreading outward, gradually filling the room… your house… your neighborhood… your city… your country… the world… the Universe! with the glow of love

When all is united in the glow of pure Love, rest in that peace for as long as you want.

  When you’re ready, come back to body awareness, feel your feet on the floor, wiggle your fingers and toes, stretch a little, and open your eyes. 

You are part of Divine Energy every minute of every day whether you know it or not. When you’re still and quiet and open, you can feel it.

Sit or lie comfortably for this meditation, in a place where you won’t be interrupted. Take as long as you want for each step. 

  Picture a flame in your heart.

  Feel  the glow filling your heart with the glow of light, of love, of compassion. Your heart feels full and expansive. Rest in the glow until you’re ready to move on.

  Now feel  the glow spreading outward from your heart, gradually filling your body, until your  whole body is full and glowing. When you’re ready…

  Feel the glow spreading outward, gradually filling the room… your house… your neighborhood… your city… your country… the world… the Universe! with the glow of love.

When all is united in the glow of pure Love, rest in that peace  for as long as you want.

  When you’re ready, come back to body awareness, feel your feet on the floor, wiggle your fingers and toes, stretch a little, and open your eyes.

Should I stay or should I go?

In the swirl of thoughts and emotions it can feel like you need to answer this before healing can start and life move on.

But wait a minute!

Your life has just been turned upside down.

You’re  in shock and you can’t think straight.

Maybe you have an urge to leave. To get away from the pain. Or show him how much he’s wronged you, and that you Will Not Take It!

Maybe you want more than anything to stay. Hoping he’ll be genuinely remorseful and do everything he can to make it up to you.

You may even want one thing in the morning, and another later in the day.

You might wonder what’s “right”. Or not know for certain what you want, or even what’s possible.

In the midst of this emotional chaos, how can you make a decision that will affect your whole life?

For most people it’s too soon.

The thing is, you don’t have to answer the “stay or go” question before you start healing.

Try this question instead:

How do I get my feet back on the ground so I can trust my emotions, and trust my decisions again?

Before you make any important decisions you need to know you can trust your emotions and your thinking.

Why?

Because it’s the only way to know what you really want and what you believe is possible.

Because the decision to stay or leave is HUGE, and big decisions have long lasting consequences.

If you stay, it’s not as simple as “going back to normal”. That’s not possible anyway. For real change, you need an empowered reconciliation that creates a new, more honest relationship.

If you leave, you want your decision to be made from a strong and balanced center. That way your new life begins on a positive note with no second guessing.

No matter what, the affair is not your fault, and you deserve as much time as you need and want to decide your next step.

Should I stay or should I go?

In the swirl of thoughts and emotions it can feel like you need to answer this before healing can start and life move on.

But wait a minute!

Your life has just been turned upside down.

You’re  in shock and you can’t think straight.

Maybe you have an urge to leave. To get away from the pain. Or show him how much he’s wronged you, and that you Will Not Take It!

Maybe you want more than anything to stay. Hoping he’ll be genuinely remorseful and do everything he can to make it up to you.

You may even want one thing in the morning, and another later in the day.

You might wonder what’s “right”. Or not know for certain what you want, or even what’s possible.

In the midst of this emotional chaos, how can you make a decision that will affect your whole life?

For most people it’s too soon.

The thing is, you don’t have to answer the “stay or go” question before you start healing.

Try this question instead:

How do I get my feet back on the ground so I can trust my emotions, and trust my decisions again?

Before you make any important decisions you need to know you can trust your emotions and your thinking.

Why?

Because it’s the only way to know what you really want and what you believe is possible.

Because the decision to stay or leave is HUGE, and big decisions have long lasting consequences.

If you stay, it’s not as simple as “going back to normal”. That’s not possible anyway. For real change, you need an empowered reconciliation that creates a new, more honest relationship.

If you leave, you want your decision to be made from a strong and balanced center. That way your new life begins on a positive note with no second guessing.

Give yourself time. Take care of yourself before making any big decisions, especially when they have long lasting consequences.

No matter what, the affair is not your fault, and you deserve as much time as you need and want to decide your next step.